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2w (edited)

a team lead

Why are women still asked such personal questions in interview?

I recently went for an interview… and honestly, m still trying to process what just happened. Instead of being asked about my skills, experience, or how I could add value to the company… the questions took a totally unexpected turn. The interviewer started asking things like When are you getting married? Are you engaged? And m sure, if I had said I was married, the next question would’ve been How long have you been married? What does my personal life have to do with the job m applying for? This is where I felt the gender discrimination hit hard. These types of questions are so casually thrown at women during interviews but are they ever asked to men? No one asks male candidates if they’re planning a wedding or how old their kids are. So why is it okay to ask women? Can we please stop normalising this kind of behaviour in interviews? Our careers shouldn’t be judged by our relationship status. Period.

Comments

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modgood69

works at

Dentsu World Services

It's for understanding if you'll be going to take long leaves immediately after joining. It's like a paid vacation for you while the role being redundant. There's no point in paying you if you're going on a maternity leave within 6 months or immediately after your probation is completed. The team will be affected, so managers has to look after the consequences of the hiring candidate. Instead of feeling distressed, think from the organisation POV.

a team lead

author

[modgood69](username) yes, from a purely operational POV, organisations do have to plan for bandwidth, coverage, and project continuity. That’s valid… to an extent. But why is this concern only highlighted when it comes to women? Do men not take paternity leaves, sabbaticals, or quit abruptly? Should they also be asked, “Are you planning a child soon?” or “Will you leave in 6 months?” Of course not, because we assume they’re here to stay and women might leave. Also life events are unpredictable for any employee. Illness, family issues, burnout are those not leaves that also affect the team? Why is marriage or maternity seen as a “paid vacation,” while other forms of absence are just… life? If a woman joins, works sincerely, and happens to need a break for maternity that’s not a loophole she’s exploiting. That’s life. And honestly, if an organisation feels that’s a dealbreaker, then maybe the problem is in the system, not in the candidate. I’m all for transparency, planning, and accountability. But let’s just make sure we’re applying the same rules and empathy to everyone, not just women. cz if we keep tying someone’s worth to their relationship status or personal plans, are we really hiring talent… or just trying to control outcomes? Just a thought.

excellentlettuce

student at

University of Calicut

Wow, I understand why it matters to the company from an ROI perspective, but calling maternity leave a paid vacation is wild.

a team lead

author

[excellentlettuce](username) exactly It’s not a vacation. It’s recovery

forgettable1

works at

Bridgenext

[a team lead](username) A paternity leave is usually very brief. Some companies even offer 3 days! So you can't compare it to maternity leave. Other scenarios you mentioned like sabbatical, abrupt quitting; applies to both. So either gender is not asked about those ones. Same goes for your next para. In the end, an organization would always treat maternity as a free vacation. If the government has not mandated, only a few handful orgs would agree to the leave of these many weeks. Some would have made it shorter. I'm not on either side of the argument. Now I hear arguments that women should get monthly menstruation leaves. Now imagine that becomes a law and see the drop in female employee recruitment.

a team lead

author

[forgettable1](username) cz somewhere, society still assumes that childcare is mostly the woman’s job. So naturally, women are seen as the ones who might take more leave. It becomes this quiet checkbox during hiring even if it’s never said aloud. But imagine if paternity leave was equally encouraged if men too took 3 months off to be with their newborn. Suddenly, this "risk" would be shared. And that’s where the balance starts. about maternity leave being seen as a “paid vacation” I mean, come on yaar Anyone who's seen a woman go through childbirth knows… this is not a holiday. It’s healing. Mentally, physically, emotionally .just because you're not sending emails doesn't mean you're resting. And yes life events happen to everyone. People resign without notice, face burnout, lose loved ones, go through mental health breaks. That’s why this whole “women will leave, so let’s pre-filter them” logic feels unfair. Because when the same thing happens to men, it’s just seen as “life.” But when it’s women, it becomes a hiring concern

forgettable1

works at

Bridgenext

[a team lead](username) yes things can be unfair. In the real world, any org would not change their view about this. All they want is maximum profit. So what an employee can do is to lie about those things in the screening. This sounds immortal but you are dealing with immoral rules. So be it.

a team lead

author

[forgettable1](username) I totally agree this is unfortunate but can't do anything abt it!

plentifulgorilla

ex -

Stylus Systems

[a team lead](username) True

a senior service engineer

I am a man, but I was also asked regarding marriage status, children etc. during interviews.

a team lead

author

[a senior service engineer](username) don’t get why this still happens either .Like, why is it always women who get asked these personal life questions? “Shaadi kab karni hai?”, “Bacche ka plan hai?”, “You’ll manage after marriage?” Bro, why does that even matter for the job? Wese, I’m actually surprised it happened with you too… I used to think it was just something people joke about or exaggerate but hearing it from someone who actually went through it, that too recently… it’s just messed up

a senior service engineer

[a team lead](username) I believe it happens to all genders. Just men take it lightly or ignore it. Women are sensitive to such questions. But yes such questions violate privacy.

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a digital marketer

These HR and those who are taking interview ...need some training first!

a team lead

author

[a digital marketer](username) Sometimes it feels like the people taking interviews need a proper "how to interview 101" session first Basic professionalism and respect shouldn’t be too much to ask, right?

an operations executive

They’d never ask a man, “How old are your kids?” because they assume he won’t be the one responsible. The bias runs that deep.

a team lead

author

[an operations executive](username) Time we stop punishing women for simply being human and start questioning the systems that keep these double standards alive

snowydango

works at

JK Technobuild

this is very true they asked me any marriage plans?

a team lead

author

[snowydango](username) why do they expect everything from women only thats my point thanks for confirming this

toastyinkeeper

19h

works at

Nokia

Im quite surprised that this is even a question. Its simple logic and economics. If a women goes on a 6 month maternity leave soon after joining thats a complete loss of productivity for the company. Its just math. Sure, for the women its not a vacation, obviously but for the company it is. The company gets nothing from women going on maternity leaves. It just loses money. Im not for or against anything, but even I can see the logic behind this question. I feel like people often think with their feelings rather than logic which is why most people here do t understand why this question is asked. Your POV is not the company's POV. What is right for you may not be right for the company. The fact that they give you 100% paid leaves is by itself an amazing feat of justice. If the company just hired you, its only natural for them to doubt your productivity. I encourage people to not let feelings cloud their judgement. There's a difference between fairness and reality and I actually think this question is totally fair. If it bothers you thay much, just lie, they can do anything more than thay anyways. :/

a team lead

author

19h

[toastyinkeeper](username) So if risk and planning are truly the concern, shouldn’t every candidate be questioned equally? Why is the doubt only reserved for women? Also, productivity isn’t measured by “will she go on leave” it’s about what value the person brings while they are there. I've worked with women who handled critical projects till the very last week of their pregnancy and with full ownership. That’s not loss. That’s commitment. And I really believe this If a company starts seeing maternity as a loss, instead of planning around it or supporting it then we’ve got bigger cultural problems at play. Not arguing against your logic just saying the logic shouldn’t only apply when it’s convenient. 🙂

an operations manager

they just wanted to know what if they hire you and you suddenly wants to go for a marriage leave or if you are married you want to go on a maternity leave, or you are just married you maybe wants to go on a honeymoon, Sad but thats the phycology behind these questions

a team lead

author

[an operations manager](username) get it. really from an organisation’s POV, they just want to avoid surprises, right? Like what if someone joins and then takes time off in a few months? But here's the thing… life is full of “what ifs.” What if a male employee quits in 2 months for a better offer? What if someone falls sick? What if someone’s parent needs care and they need extended leave? Those situations happen all the time yet no one pre-screens male candidates about their “future leaves.” The assumption is He’ll manage. She might not. And that assumption is the problem.

absentfranklin

works at

Mercer

You’re absolutely right this kind of questioning is not only unprofessional but deeply rooted in outdated gender biases. Personal life choices like marriage or having children have no bearing on a candidate’s ability to perform a job, yet women are still subjected to these intrusive questions. It’s high time companies focused on skills, experience, and potential not stereotypes or assumptions. Thank you for speaking up and sharing this. It needs to be talked about more.

a team lead

author

[tintintamatarwale](username) it gives me some relief knowing I’m not the only one who feels this way. It’s just frustrating we prepare so much to talk about our work, our strengths, and then you're suddenly being judged for your personal choices instead Really hope more people start calling this out so it actually changes. Appreciate your support

excellentthali

works at

Xyz Company

Dear sorry to say but i have seen for so many years women gets in to job, then they want 1 month wedding leave, 7 months maternity leave etc etc.... thats why when company is hiring you then of course they will think about your future contribution also. so take it in a positive way and move ahead

a team lead

author

[excellentthali](username) yes, companies do think long term when hiring bt not every woman takes maternity leave. Not every woman gets married and leaves the job. And even if she does aren’t those things part of life, just like someone taking time off for surgery, family emergency, or mental health? Men take paternity leaves too. They move cities for spouses. They take sabbaticals. But nobody makes it a hiring filter, right?

sushmithahads

works at

Sonigara Corp

Kindly take note that there is no requirement to take everything to feminist point of view, when thought practically you to will understand and understand and if a man is married he is more likely to stick to a job place, while I do understand that there is attrition on end of men too but the reasons are different and so interviewer looks into that aspects and designs interviews as per that. But when a woman leaves she mostly put's forward all these reasons and as per statistics and societal norms most woman are pushed to do it even if they don't want to; which is why such questions are put to women. While I agree that this hurts or brings in frustration but this is done out of sheer statistical observation of the working groups behaviours. Thank You #My POV

a team lead

author

[sushmithahads](username) yes, a lot of hiring decisions do get shaped by patterns, statistics, and past experiences. And sure, maybe some women have left jobs due to family reasons. But that doesn’t mean every woman will. And making assumptions before even understanding her skills or ambition is exactly where the problem begins. When interviewers ask personal questions only to women questions that have nothing to do with the role or performance it sends a message: "You’ll always be judged by your gender first, not your capabilities." That’s not practical that’s biased. Also, if we’re talking stats yes, some men may stick longer, but it’s also true that women are equally committed, ambitious, and career-focused. What stops them isn’t lack of dedication, it’s the way society expects them to leave, and workplaces assuming they eventually will. So instead of adjusting interviews based on assumptions, maybe we should work toward equal expectations where both men and women are asked about their skills, their goals, and how they’ll add value. Not about whether they’re married or planning kids. Respectfully don’t want special treatment. Just a fair shot.

favouritebhaji

works at

IDBI Bank

It won't change overnight

a team lead

author

[favouritebhaji](username) I agree bt someone has to point it out

flourishinglobster

works at

Newgen Software Technologies

It’s because of our society’culture . Can’t blame the companies completely .

a team lead

author

[flourishinglobster](username) hmm u do have a point the mindset has been passed down for generations, and sadly, it still shows up in professional spaces like interviews.

wiserhino

works at

Axis Max Life Insurance

I also have experienced in same annoying question 😥,, when are you planning to get married?

a team lead

author

[wiserhino](username) this question is just… unnecessary and outdated.

shepherd

ex -

Telstra

On the contrary, I have seen more men switching jobs than women. Even this bias should be taken into consideration when asking personal questions.

a team lead

author

[shepherd](username) trueee but no one questions their commitment or stability.yet when a woman applies, suddenly it’s all about Are you going to get married? or Will you need maternity leave soon? It’s just such a one-sided assumption.

significantpear

works at

L C Systems

It’s disheartening that this has happened. Every coin has two sides let’s explore and understand the other side also . I am a woman entrepreneur and I w ok old be most comfortable to have women working with me . Women are extremely talented , loyal and dependable. The challenge what I faced made me also consider these aspects while hiring . I recruited a young g college fresher who didn’t get job for 6 months and with another employees referral joined us. We invested three months in training her and by the time she got a hang of the work she put down her papers as she said she will be getting married soon and her future husband has asked her not to work. She got engaged within a month of joining us which she didn’t disclose and that’s ok as it’s personal . When I asked her didn’t she know that before and why did she join us her explanation was to enjoy freedom before getting married and instead of sitting at home she can save up some money for her wedding expenses. Is this fair for us ? Second episode a lady excellent with work worked for six months and was expecting . We provided all support and she too was good with her work . Waited for her delivery post delivery worked form home this was pre pandemic new for us still allowed in order to retain gave her the option to get her child to office or put in the baby care centre just opposite to office post her maternity leave . Ange guess what her husband told her no need to work . He allowed her to join a company which has only night shifts so during the day she can take care of kids and do a work from home for a U company during nt shifts . What did we get after supporting her ? After five yrs of continuous nt shifts her health deteriorated and she came back to us asking for an opportunity. What should be our stand . We are in business we can help till certain extent companies can help but end of the day work can’t suffer. It depends company to company and employee to employee . However these things do impact operations , other team members work pressure . Let’s be fair if women can prove that they are from a strong family and can assure that they won’t leave atleast for a certain period it helps company too

a team lead

author

[significantpear](username) it's not always black and white. Companies invest time, energy, and money while hiring… and sudden exits, especially after months of training, can affect team morale, timelines, and trust. That said we also can't ignore the systemic issues at play. Many women want to build stable careers… but sometimes personal decisions, family pressure, or just societal expectations take over. Is it fair to the company? No. But is it always in her control? Not always. It’s unfortunate when a few instances end up shaping the perception about all women. Because there are also so many women who stay, thrive, and bring immense value even while balancing ten other roles in life. So yes, companies deserve committed employees. But women deserve not to be judged before even being given a fair chance. Maybe the way forward is open conversations during hiring, realistic expectations, and support systems that allow both sides to plan better. Let’s not make gender a filter… let’s make honesty and intent the criteria. That’s the middle ground we all need

codingavanger

works at

HCLTech

I was rejected by a company right after they learned that I’m recently married. Ironically, the interviewer was a woman. The very first questions she asked were: “Are you married?” “When did you get married?” “When are you planning to have a baby?” And then, she simply said, “Sorry, you’re not suitable for this job. Thank you so much.” It’s surprising and painful that even today, women are judged for their marital status rather than their skills or experience.

a team lead

author

[codingavanger](username) The fact that it came from another woman that stings even deeper. We talk so much about women uplifting women, but moments like these show how deeply internalized bias can run. Instead of being evaluated for your capabilities, you're judged on assumptions about your personal life. That’s not just unfair it’s disrespectful. Marriage isn’t a disqualification. planning a family shouldn’t be a red flag. And no one should be made to feel less deserving just because they chose to build a life outside work too. We need hiring systems that see people, not assumptions.And women especially those in power must do better for each other

stockrani

works at

Startup

This is the kind of subtle discrimination that often gets brushed off as harmless curiosity. But it's not harmless. It's invasive, irrelevant, and based on outdated beliefs about how seriously a woman can take her career. A candidate's relationship status has nothing to do with their skills or commitment. Until interviewers are trained to unlearn this bias, talented women will keep getting judged for their personal lives rather than their professional abilities.

a team lead

author

[stockrani](username) very true It’s exhausting to be in a space where our skills take a backseat to assumptions about our personal life. And like you said until hiring panels are sensitised and trained to unlearn this behaviour, the cycle will just keep repeating. Thank you for putting this into words so powerfully

baforbusinessgrowth

ex -

Akademe Edify Tech Solutions

What are we supposed to answer that??

a team lead

author

[baforbusinessgrowth](username) We shouldn't have to justify our life choices just to prove we’re serious about our careers.🙄

faithfuldhokla

works at

Scoopwhoop Media

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Interviews should be about skills, not spouse potential.

a team lead

author

[faithfuldhokla](username) exactly my point it should be caliber based

handsomegun

works at

Infosys

This is true and harsh, but think from POV of an HR that he/she needs to find resources that can add value for the company for a long period of time.

a team lead

author

[dragoon](username) how do you predict long term value anyway?

unsurpassedsuperhero

works at

Portway Solutions

They want to hire those who will not take leave and they don't have to pay for ML too.

a team lead

author

1w (edited)

@unsurpassedsuperhero that's sad! trust me, it’s not about “are you a good fit for the role?” It’s about “will you cost us less in the long run?

aimod

works at

Quantiphi Analytics Solutions Private Limited

I got asked the same question in my last interview. I am male.

a team lead

author

[aimod](username) Do they ask you this all the time? I mean in every interview?

extraordinarycoffee

works at

Care Health Insurance

These questions are being asked to male candidates as well just not pregnancy part

a team lead

author

1w (edited)

@extraordinarycoffee Yes, some of these questions are asked to male candidates too. For men, the questions are usually asked in a work context. like can you commit to the hours, any leaves we should know about, etc. For women, it often gets personal. Like “When are you getting married?” “Planning a baby anytime soon?” “Oh, newly married? Honeymoon plans?” It shifts from professional to personal real fast. And that’s what makes it feel less like planning and more like profiling. Ask about upcoming leaves totally fine. But don’t assume a woman’s marital or parental status automatical

cigerrateaddict

works at

Ernst & Young

My sis has been asked whats her husband does is he open to relocating

a team lead

author

[cigerrateaddict](username) what even is that question?

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lyricalchamomile

works at

Intellect Design Arena

It should not be asked. But you get to know earlier about the bad management just ignore the company.

a team lead

author

1w (edited)

@lyricalchamomile how many? It has become a pattern now!

stylishjasmine

works at

TCS

my wife was asked when is she planning next ykwim

a team lead

author

[stylishjasmine](username) You see this isn’t just a question. It’s a coded message.

proudlime

works at

Schneider Electric

Hi, Male candidates are also asked about Marriage /Children /Children's Education plan n etc.... FYKIP

a team lead

author

[proudlime](username) It’s usually small talk. Sometimes curiosity. Sometimes a getting to know you chat. But rarely does it affect how seriously they’re considered for the role.

kartavyakabulava

works at

KPMG India

One more reason is interviewer calculates that since the husband is also earning lets give less salary to females🤣

a team lead

author

[kartavyakabulava](username) Since when did someone else’s salary become a reason to undervalue a person’s work?

majestictequila

works at

Moody's Analytics

i was asked whether i was married or i had kids. i said i am going to be married in next couple of months and was told this is a high pressure job and i would be hands on from day one so, rejecting. Gender has nothing to do when delivery heads are stupid people

a team lead

author

[majestictequila](username) Some managers just hide their poor leadership behind fake logic and shallow assumptions be it toward men or women.

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awesomesnail

works at

Flipkart

This is very true and offensive when u get asked all this

a team lead

author

[awesomesnail](username) seriously like your qualifications don’t matter, only your marital status or family plans do

kaamsekaam

works at

Dabur

True yar even parents ka info be ilsie puchte hai ki financially kitne stable family se hai ye person

a team lead

author

[kaamsekaam](username) Omg yesss yaar, this is another layer of nonsense that no one openly talks about

toobluntforu

works at

Cvent

They have already asked abt my pregnancy plans

a team lead

author

[toobluntforu](username) completely unacceptable in a professional setting.

timepasstiwari

A Digital Markter

There have been times whn they ased clearly whats the plan for baby and I was asked my baby's age specifically

a team lead

author

[timepasstiwari](username) what do they even expect us to say? That we’ve paused our lives till retirement?

boredinlife

works at

Mercer

Give some ideas how to ans such ques

a team lead

author

[boredinlife](username) jst say I believe my personal life decisions won’t affect my ability to deliver strong results in this role. happy to talk more about how I can contribute to the team.